I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
