Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
