ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize