Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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