The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
