True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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