The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
