you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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