I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
