My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
