Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
