dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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