So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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