I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
