you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
