He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
