I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
