In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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