I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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