I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
