I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
