Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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