Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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