i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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