Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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