did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
