My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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