Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
