this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
