I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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