I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
