do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
