Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
