OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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