Sry I called you an 8
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize