: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
