I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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