Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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