Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
