I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
