Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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