just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
