How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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