Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
