You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
do herpes really smell.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
