Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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