just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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