I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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