Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
