If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
