I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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