I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
