he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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