Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
