my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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