i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
