i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
