My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
