Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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