I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
