I think i peed on brittanys purse
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
