i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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