I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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