God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
