That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
