I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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