thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
