the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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