You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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