I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
