She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
