Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We need to get me chipped asap
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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