When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
