I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We need to get me chipped asap
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
