I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
