Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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