My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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