I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
